i'm never ever going to be fifteen again.

what can i do to make sure this one precious year that i will never get again is the best it can be?

what can i do with my life to make it the most worth while and the best ever?

i have one life.
and so far i feel like i havent really lived

and i dont want to keep talking about how happy i'm going to be in england and in my twenties and on a bridge over avon river.

what am i going to do with the years of my life before that? i dont know how to make sure that my life will be well-lived. i feel like i'm wasting time. like time is ticking and all life is is just the time before it ends.

i'm only fifteen once and i'm not doing anything. i want to be helping people and writing songs and singing and doing things i like. i want to be experiencing and being in european history not reading about it.

i dont want to reach the end of my life and realize that all i've ever done was get married and stayed in california and never experienced anything.

i just cant shake off the feeling that every second is a second nearer to life being over. and i hate it. i'm afraid of death and just being wiped away and washed off despite my how many years of being alive.

and i hate the feeling

i guess i'm going to go watch apprentice

and nobody let me ever listen to five for fighting ever again please